before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
