I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
