tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
