I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
