smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
