Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize