So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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