when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
