You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I believe in your delicious
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
