Girls should come with a carfax report
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
