do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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