you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
