I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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