capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
