I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was CRYING into my vagina
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
