You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
