Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's just so happy...and so naked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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