i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
