Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
