Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize