There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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