Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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