now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
