you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
