She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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