I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
