He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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