you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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