after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
