Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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