rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
