you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
