I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Say something about gay babies.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
