Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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