$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
