I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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