just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
