I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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