I'm sorry my penis didn't work
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then my night got REAL pukey
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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