I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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