If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize