Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
