You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
