in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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