fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
