one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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