Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
