My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
