i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
