Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
