Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
