We won't sleep together?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
