My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
