I think i sorta joined a cult last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
