Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
