Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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