Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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