Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
