bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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