things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
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He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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