ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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