I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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