This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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