You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
