I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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