I just pynch a tree in the face
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize