apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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