I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
