I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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