He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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