A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
