so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
