Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
