Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
