I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
