well I can't set my house on fire every night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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