My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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