So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
