Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
